FAQ

Controversy about gender language stirs strong emotions. Discussions become heated, and it feels like people “on the other side” aren’t listening. That hurts.

Intense feelings arise from personal experiences, which are deeply private. When we hear those personal stories, though, we begin to empathize and understand each other. This site provides a safe (anonymous) space to share those stories.

As understanding and empathy grow, we start to seek mutually satisfying solutions. We can embrace the challenges of diversity, and work together to build communities where all can flourish. Dance groups have navigated difficult controversies before, and emerged stronger for it.

ANONYMOUS entries make it safe to share tender personal stories. In a space apart from group scrutiny (no Facebook “likes” and comments), we can all relax our defenses, finding permission to grow and change together. We hope everyone will find it easier to “listen” with compassion to people with different experiences.

By default, every submission is 100% private (posting with no registration or identifying information). Volunteer moderators review EVERY story before it becomes public, to ensure our conversation is civil and respectful.

Scott Higgs initiated this project, but the voice of this website is “we,” because the text and opinions reflect input from many dancers and organizers. We all want to help groups handle controversy in a thoughtful, caring way that strengthens relationships and nurtures our communities.

New stories: It may take several days for a new story to get noticed, get reviewed, and then get posted to the website. If more than 4 days have passed, please use the Contact page to get in touch (or use the Add My Story page to send an anonymous message).

Finding: Because stories are unsigned, you cannot search by author. Usually, the best way to find a story is by Category (reduces the number to scroll through), or by using the Search button (at top right) to seek a distinctive keyword. On most pages, stories appear in chronological order, newest first.

Once you find a story, scroll to the bottom to quickly copy the URL, or to email it to a friend.

Tell your story. Read the stories of others. Encourage friends to visit, and become aware of the rich diversity of our communities.

Take your increased awareness offline — talk to friends and acquaintances about their experiences, fears, and dreams.

Help directly: assist with publicity for this project, or with review of submissions. Send us a message on the contact form.

THANKS for helping to build strong, welcoming communities — sharing the JOY of music and dance !